the whole nj thing. i guess it's time, anyway.
it would get out sooner or later, and i'd rather you all hear it from me than someone else.

to anyone who cares :

along the whole application process, it was just let's just wait and see if i can get through before i think too hard. but i did consider what would/could (whatever) be in store for me and it seemed like it just came down to being daring, and being safe. and the whole process lasted over 3 to 4 months, and it was just sitting on the fence for me. it's like sometimes i felt like i really needed to go and sometimes i felt like just staying behind and continuing the normal stuff. it was just basically that, and i really didn't think about anything more, until i got to the interview. it was then that i realized that hey, it's more possible that i would have to make the decision right now. i gave it more thought and well, same thing, i still never made up my mind.

but then after getting the letter stating a place there, i was not exactly what you call very happy, cos i had to make the decision. and honestly, i was dreading it. because YES, headache, it was really hard. on one hand, it was like being wrenched from all the pretty memories i had in mg & debate, since i'm not going to continue it in nj, but then again the whole prospect of starting something really new and unknown was just very exciting. i wanted to follow my heart for once, instead of always going with what my head told me to do. it was pretty messy and problematic, with all of you and your feedback. i'm not blaming anyone, i really am glad that i have you all being so concerned and stuff. and it's just like my heart is telling to me, i don't know,

it's not exactly so much of hestitating and procrastinating anymore..it's hard to describe really.

but yes,

i have thought it through and i've already made up my mind. i'm pretty set. and to everyone who talked to me : thanks a whole bunch. i'm sorry if it all amounted to nothing, but i appreciate it a lot all the same, thanks for all your concern, honest.

sorry, i just felt like i needed to clear some stuff up and let you all know of my decision.

im hoping you all won't take it too hard. im surely going to miss you all. every single one of you. you made my stay in mg so much more pleasant, especially in the last 2 years.

please understand. i'm always going to be a phonecall;

"pictures open in my head"